Haven Employee wins
Haven Employee of the Week Award.

Karl was overcome at the news. After revival with a bucket of haddock, he agreed to give FOOMMATE an exclusive comment. "I’m overcome" he said, "Bring more buckets"

Karl, 83, is no stranger to fame. At the outbreak of the First World War he served as the Southern Hemisphere Baby Penquin of the Year and for several years afterwards appeared in advertisements for soap. A fledgling movie career was prematurely ended with the advent of sound, at which time Karl withdrew from the public eye.

Old Motherboard rediscovered Karl last year, bringing him from the obscurity of London’s West End, to fame again in Tranquillity Haven. "Karl has been like a penquin to me," she enthused "and he never clashes with the colour scheme. I am delighted he is the first recipient of this prestigious award."

Karl only wears a swimsuit on formal occasions.

Next week’s winner will be Charlene and thereafter the Award will alternate between them.

Millennium Haven Scheme
wins approval.

Planned for the year 3000 and designed by award-winning architect and swimsuit designer Larry Bikini-Atoll, the scheme has won universal acclaim from both Karl the Penquin and Charlene. Karl the Penquin was this week voted Haven Employee of the Week and Charlene is hotly tipped to be the recipient of next week’s award.

The central feature of Millennium Haven will be a drag-and-drop white-knuckle aboretum with 360-degree cockscrew death-plunge paddling pool. From the top, guests still conscious will be able to see almost all of Tranquillity Haven, stretching from the hot springs in the North to the mild mattresses in the South.

The Architect says "Swimsuits are being worn cut high on the ankle this year" - a hot tip for those who wish to look chic around the Haven.

Announcing the Haven Ranger Squad

Meet Alrick Grainger, Haven Ranger. One-time rap artiste and computer model, Alrick was recently designated as an area of Green Belt and therefore subject to rigorous planning control. This was recognised as an error by the Local Planning Authority, but sadly the decision can only be reversed by the Minister of State concerned.

Alrick is up to speed with the latest environmental computer techniques, having originally trained using a green-screen monitor.

With these credentials, Alrick was an obvious choice to head and foot the elite Squad of one. If the scheme is a success, another Haven Ranger will be recruited to create a matching pair.

Alrick always wears computer-simulated magenta swimming shorts in emergency situations, just in case.