Advice Centre
and Sun Terrace

Situated just behind the arborium and toddler's Wall of Death fun-ride is the newly refurbished sun terrace. Old Motherboard assures guests that the dust from the disused gypsum plaster production facilty is nolonger a problem, provided the wind doesn't change.

For guests who wish to use their leisure time expanding their knowledge, Old Motherboard offers authoritative documentation on diverse subjects, provided in handy leaflets available in the attractive papiermache display troughs in the Advice Centre.

These useful leaflets, written by leading experts in fields, may be taken to a safe place and harmlessly disposed of. Deposits are non-refundable.

Useful advice leaflets 3 and 4 added 17th June 1996.

Leaflet No.01: Computer Seating
Leaflet No.02: Computer Sizing
Leaflet No.03: Computer Games (1)
Leaflet No.04: Computer Lighting

Old Motherboard's Advice Leaflet No.1:
Computer seating

1.00 Selecting a good chair.

As a rule of thumb, the quality of a computer chair can be determined by the number of control levers it has. Four levers are considered ideal. The first controls up and down movement, the second front to back seat tilt and the third the angle of the back. These three levers, together with the swivel and the wheels on the base, cater for all possible movement in three-dimensional space.
The fourth, and any further, lever is therefore for movement in the fourth dimension and beyond. Patrons requiring lessons in travel in parallel space/time continuums should register at Tranquillity Haven's main reception for 30 minute sessions with Mandy, our resident out-of-body-experience expert.
Computer users who have not had such basic lessons should not touch the fourth lever, as hot-line support on different temporal planes may be difficult.

2.00 Selecting the Seat Colour.

This is not at all important, as when you are sitting on it you can't see it anyway. The colour therefore can be anything you like, provided you do not leave your seat at any time. Have you considered burgundy?

3.00 Conclusion.

You now know all you need to know about computer seating.

Old Motherboard's Advice Leaflet No.2:
Computer Sizing

1.00 The computer

Before you can downsize or upsize, you must first size your computer. See fig.1 for the correct method.

Fig.1 Correct method of being sized for your computer.

2.00 The monitor.

Having sized the computer,you should next size the monitor. Generally, the bigger the screen the further away you can sit from it. For normal sitting distance, a 14 inch screen is quite adequate. Should you wish to sit on other side of the room, or in the hall, a 21 inch screen may be necessary.

You will find that, thanks to the latest perspective techniques, the large screen will look smaller the further away you sit, eventually appearing the normal 14 inch size. (O.M.'s Helpful Hint: In Actual Reality mode, your mouse cable might impose a physical limit on how far away you can be. It would be best to check, before spending money on a screen that is unnecessarily large.)

3.00 Summary

In this leaflet you learnt how to:
Size the computer.
Size the monitor.
Not to bother reading these advice leaflets.

Old Motherboard's Advice Leaflet No.3:
Computer games (1)

Mouse Bungee Jumping

If you suspect that your input device is a dangerous sports enthusiast, ensure that

the cable is properly connected to the computer
the cable is shorter than the distance to the floor.

Old Motherboard's Advice Leaflet No.4:
Computer Lighting

Poor lighting for computer users is generally frowned upon and, indeed, can be a direct cause of frowning. Avoid direct sunlight as this will eventually discolour the equipment casings. Using a high-factor sunblock, such as a brick wall, will help.

Using a laptop computer outdoors in a really thick fog can be difficult and mist could form on the screen, distorting the image. You should ensure that you have a rubber-bladed wiper with you if there is a high fog risk. A man-size tissue pack will suffice in an emergency.

Viewing a computer in complete darkness is quite acceptable, provided you remember to carry a torch with you to:
a. find the computer;
b. find the power switch.

Finally, should you suffer from glare, there are various devices available to eliminate this problem, one of which is illustrated below:-